Notes from a Council Meeting

Sue: We’d like to welcome everyone to tonight’s meeting. What a good turnout! A whole four people. I’m Sue Fernandez. With me are Deandre Jones and Kendrick Harris. To open…

Bob: I’m here to complain about parking.

Sue: Normally, we go over the previous meeting’s notes and enter them, so if you could just…

Bob: Yeah. Anyway. I’m Bob Smythe S-M-Y-T-H-E and I run the Friends of the Library. F-R-I-E…

Sue: I’m sure we can manage to spell “friends,” Bob.

Bob: If you say so. The people from the McDonald’s are parking in the library lot.

Kendrick: So? Public parking. Can we move on to…?

Bob: Are these open meetings or not? Anyway, people are taking up spaces. And our patrons can’t park.

Kendrick: Look, the library is taxpayer funded, right? So, the people parking there are taxpayers. Big whoop.

Bob: But the people who want to use the library can’t. I mean…

Kendrick: I am so sick of this. You think you’re better than a business? They pay taxes. You don’t. Shouldn’t even have leeches like libraries using up tax dollars *mutters*

Bob: I guess we could just have the non-patrons’ cars towed, but we don’t want to…

*Unintelligible yelling, followed by a break in the recording*

Deandre: I’m just saying that parking’s always been a problem here.

Sue: Let’s not talk about that for a little while. Now, about the previous notes…

Gilda: My poor trees are just dying.

Deandre: Excuse me?

Gilda: In the arboretum? All the trees and flowers that we’ve been planting are dying.

Kendrick: Damn trees. There are too many trees in that park.

Gilda: It’s an arboretum?

Kendrick: Whatever. Easier to mow if it’s just grass. It’s too expensive to go around all that crap.

Gilda: But then it wouldn’t be an arboretum. It would be a… an empty lot.

Kendrick: Sounds good. Seconded.

Gilda: No! I just want to know what happened to the boulders that kept the erosion down?

Kendrick: Had the maintenance men dump them in the ditch.

Gilda: Why would you do that? We bought those with donated money!

Kendrick: Tripping hazard. Little kids, you know. Could sue us.

Deandre: How, exactly, would a small child trip over a boulder?

Kendrick: You know kids. Anyway, it’s much easier to maintain. Next, I think we should get rid of all that plant crap.

Gilda: It’s an arboretum! It’s meant to have all that plant crap! I mean, all those plants.

Kendrick: Uh-huh. So does the motion to plow it carry?

Sue and Deandre: No!

Kendrick: Yeah, okay, we’ll table it for next time.

Deandre: That’s not how this works!

*Incomprehensible yelling and Gilda wailing*

Sue: Enough!

*Shocked quiet*

Sue: We are NOT getting rid of the arboretum. Next!

Bart: The volunteer fire department would like to know where their funding went…

Kendrick: Oh, God. Not this again.

Bart: Because this lawsuit you brought against the shaved ice stand is not only frivolous, but it’s depleted our fund. The one that people voted for and the taxpayers you were so concerned with earlier pay?

Deandre: What have you done now?

Kendrick: They promised to give the firefighters a shaved ice, any flavor, after a call, and they haven’t once.

Bart: So this genius hired a lawyer to sue the owner. With the fire department’s money.

Kendrick: They promised!

Sue: Exactly how much have you spent on a lawyer?

Kendrick: I don’t remember.

Bart: Almost all of our money for this year. And the pumper truck needs…

Kendrick: We’ll get it back when we win.

Bart: It’s a shaved ice stand. How much money do you think they have?!

Deandre: What if there’s a fire?

Kendrick: It’s fine. There’s water everywhere.

*Scuffling sounds*

Sue: Kendrick Harris has been removed from this meeting. Thank you, Bart. Motion to pursue criminal malfeasance charges?

Deandre: Seconded.

Sue: Carried with one vote absent. Now, can we get the previous minutes in? Because I can feel a headache coming on.





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