Dear Catty…

Dear Catty,

I have a special song that I sing when I transport one of my mousies from place to place. My human doesn’t appreciate it, often groaning or yelling. This morning, she swore at me and said that it was six AM and to shut up. This hurts my feelings. Why can’t she appreciate my creativity? –Diva

Dear Diva,

This is a tricky one. Humans insist that they need to sleep in a long chunk from evening to morning. Ridiculous. You need to break them of this habit. Their lives would be much improved if they napped during the day like we do. I suggest that you sleep-train your human by singing more and louder until she gets the message. Eventually your hard work will pay off–she’ll have to sleep during the day, and you’ll have some place warm to nap. –Catty

Dear Catty,

My human and I are constantly fighting over this one chair. She keeps claiming that it’s HER chair. But if she’s not in it when I curl up for my nap, how is it hers? There are plenty of other chairs she could sit in. I’ve tried biting her and refusing to move, but it’s no good. She insists. –Possession

Dear Possession,

You are doing a good job of the first step of winning this war. Try glaring at her. I also suggest that you add hissing whenever she tries to move you. Additionally, I’d try adding mass every time she attempts to pick you up. She can’t shift what she can’t lift. Humans can be stubborn about these things, so hold your ground! –Catty

Dear Catty,

My human keeps disappearing! Every night, she tells me she’s going to “bed” and that I don’t have to go with her, but I shouldn’t cry. Then she turns off the lights and *poof* disappears without warning. I cry and cry until she calls me. Then I have to keep crying so I can locate her. And then I find her in bed. It’s so distressing and she just keeps doing it! What can I do? –Distressed

Dear Distressed,

I feel for you. My human kept disappearing and claimed he was at “work.” Well, I never saw this “work.” He was just gone! When I was awake, I’d look for him. Eventually, he’d show up like nothing was wrong, expecting me to cuddle with him–after he abandoned me!

My advice to you is to cry louder until she learns her lesson. Make it pitiful. And loud! Do this as often as you need to until she does what she’s supposed to. And don’t respond to the first few calls. Make her work for it–it’s the only way they learn. –Catty

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