Warning!

Using this product may lead to increased thirst, appetite, need to exercise, and sleepiness. This product should not be used if pregnant, planning to become pregnant, have ever thought about being pregnant, had a dream about being pregnant or have ever seen or interacted with a pregnant person.

Care should be taken with this product when using it before the age of eighteen, after the age of nineteen, or anytime after twenty-two. Especially serious effects were reported in people over the age of twenty five. Side effects decreased in persons of at least 114 or older.

People who used this product regularly reported strange interactions with walls and floors. Frequent usage also decreased the ability to see butterflies, but not skippers or moths. Take care when using this product when reincarnating–users have reported effects on previous and future lives.

Tell your doctor if you have or have been exposed to small pox, the Black Death, or celebrities. Tell your therapist if you have uncomfortable thoughts about pens or if you start understanding the language of the trees as this has been shown to lead to more serious consequences in some people who use this product. Get help immediately if you change into a giant insect.

Do not use this product if near the sea, as occasional interaction with “The Old Ones” has been reported, although not frequently or for very long. Use of this product while flying is not recommended, as albatrosses have been known to develop. Users who drove while using this product reported an increase in creepy hitchhikers. Walking seemed to have no effect on this product, although one of the test subjects has not returned.

Use of this product may change or void user agreements. Mattresses that have had their tags removed have a slight chance of coming to life. Users have reported furniture moving of its own accord, but only by an inch a month. A small but noticeable effect has been reported when used near houseplants, but further study indicates that those spider plants were mostly feral before being exposed to the product.

There are no contraindications with this product and kittens, although using this product around puppies may cause the resulting dog to become twenty percent larger or smaller, so use near mastiffs or Yorkies is not advised. This product may cause birds to become more “dinosaur-y.” Reports of highly intelligent lizards and snakes can be discounted as sensationalized.

Do not use this product if you daydream, get lost in thought, imagine yourself in other places or as other people. Refrain from long-term use if your find yourself trapped in magical worlds or in heavy sci-fi as long term exposure to those environments have not been studied. Short term effects from mysteries have included death from poisoning, strangulation, falling from a great height, being mistaken for a grouse, stabbing, and being hit by cars. Agatha Christie and Murder, She Wrote should be strenuously avoided if using this product.

Thank you for your interest in our products!

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